Chelleology

When I was first diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease, I went through a lot of different emotions.  I was terribly sad.  I was 25 and in my prime.  I was supposed to be out partying with my friends and trying to launch my career and I had just joined a running club.  The thought of all the things I would be missing because of fatigue, pain and repeated trips to the bathroom. It was all so overwhelming.

I was angry and resentful that my friends would be doing all the things I wanted to do.  My life was now about knowing where the nearest bathroom would be and fearing an embarrassing situation if I did not make it. 

I thought about all the things I would now be missing due to fatigue, pain, and repeated trips to the hospital.  I was now going to have to explain to every boss why I needed more time off for medical appointments.

So, why me?  Why would God want to have this awful, painful, tiring, a gross disease?  What did I do to deserve this?

22 years, 2 surgeries, and untold number of hospitalizations later, I now have the best toilet humor.  I speak openly about my disease not just to educate people but in some way to inspire them to hurdle their own roadblocks.

Recently, a new roadblock fell into my path.  I was laid off from my job at the bank… a job that I loved very much. Three days later, my husband got laid off from his job.  Here I was again feeling sad, angry, and resentful once again.  I wasn’t just questioning my faith in God, but I was angry with Him.  I wasn’t a horrible person, so why was God punishing me? 

About two weeks ago, one of the teachers, Doug, at church gave a lesson on Weathering Life’s Storms.  He talked about losing everything in a house fire and losing friends due to political differences.  I’ve lost my share of friends due to political differences but that house fire… it put things into perspective.  I will eventually recover from losing my job.  I’ll learn a new set of skills, maybe when the housing market turns around, I’ll go back to the mortgage industry.  It may take some time, but I can turn things around.  But I cannot imagine losing everything in a house fire. 

Through biblical scripture, Doug pointed out that to weather life’s storms, we need to build a solid foundation of trust in God.  But in order to build that foundation, you have to dig.  You need to dig deep and remove things that are getting in the way.  You need to dig out all the negativity, all the anger, and all the resentment.

I was always one of those people who would roll her eyes when someone would smile and cheerily say “You just gotta think positive.”  Something in Doug’s lesson touched something within me.  Sure, I don’t like where I’m at right now and I’m just getting by but things ARE going to be ok.  I just need to let go of all that baggage and put my trust in God.  I may not understand, and I may get impatient but in time, God will reveal His plan for me. 

What negative feelings are holding you back?   

Starting college is an exciting time for many 18-year-olds.  It’s a time when young adults learn about themselves, learn how to live with others and they develop their own opinions of the world around them.  It’s also a time when they learn the dangers of too much alcohol. 

But one thing that never seems to get talked about during this time is the importance of good credit.  College kids are easy prey for credit card companies. They show up in the student union and give students t-shirts, koozies and keychains if they apply for a credit card.

Possessing a credit card gives these kids a whole new sense of independence.  It didn’t matter if these kids could pay off the card.  Most of them only work part time and in a society where everyone must have the latest gadget, it’s likely they will find themselves in a situation they are not able to buy their way out.

Maxing out credit cards, many of them with high interest rates, late payments and having too many credit cards will have a negative affect on their credit score.  Often times, these young adults don’t realize how a poor credit score can make life more difficult until they are faced with needing to buy a car, get a good insurance rate and up until recently, their ability to buy a home.

The Biden administration has decided that people with bad credit should be rewarded with better rates and pay less in fees when they purchase a home.  Meanwhile, millions of people who have better credit scores through hard work and self-control are now being told we won’t get the benefits of good rates and less fees.

First, as someone who once worked in the Foreclosure Department, I know how damaging this policy will be.  When a homeowner defaults on their mortgage, the cost to foreclose, evict and remarket the home to recoup cost is astounding.  They must pay people to call delinquent homeowners for months, in some cases more than a year, to try and compel them to pay their mortgage.  Then there’s the cost of evicting and change the locks.  The cost doesn’t end there.  Banks must pay to repair damages to homes (if they’re about to get evicted, homeowners will often give up on maintenance or purposely damage the home), then there are the grass cuts, winterizations, trash outs and boarding.  My favorite task was dealing with the city of Chicago who would threaten us on a weekly basis with demolishing a home that due to rampant crime keeps getting broken into.  That is sarcasm by the way.  Ask me how much it cost my company had to pay the attorney to get Chicago off our backs.  I bet you would be surprised.

Second, a foreclosure causes a decline in property values.  When companies appraise a home, there are many factors that play a part in how a home is valued.  Things like proximity to shopping and dining, whether the home is in a good school district and the number of foreclosures in an area affect home values.  Bad credit doesn’t just live in poor communities, it lives in every community so, yes, the number of foreclosures in your area can and will affect your home value.

Finally, you are not doing any favors to those with poor credit scores.  This rule only affects home loans.  It does not carry over to car loans or credit cards.  While credit card companies will give a credit card to anyone over 18 with a pulse, bad credit will disqualify someone from getting an affordable car loan.  While it could be argued that someone could live without a credit card, many of us cannot live without a vehicle unless you live in a city where public transportation is plentiful.  Going through a foreclosure can annihilate your credit score and CAN disqualify you from getting a car loan.

We are setting a dangerous precedent.  If we continue down this road, we could leave a legacy of debt that our children will have to pay off.  Of course, with the way our representatives spend money, what is a credit score anyway?  Maybe it’s now just a bragging right.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be something different about every other week.  I wanted to be a mom one week and a few weeks later I was going to be a nurse like my mom.  I wanted to be a teacher and after watching one too many courtroom shows, I was convinced I was going to be a lawyer.  I believe at one point I was going to be an astronaut until I discovered I was claustrophobic. 

In 6^th grade, I got my first typewriter.  It was a 1987 Brother AX-28 word processing electric typewriter.  You could type a couple of lines what would show up on a small screen so you could check your work before you hit print.  It was the state of the art in typewriters in the late 80s.  That year, I was bit by the writing bug.  One summer, I worked diligently on a short story, designed a cover and bound it like a book.  I was determined to become an author.

As I got older, I had the first, inkling of self-doubt.  What if I wrote a best seller?  But what if I failed to write another?  People would come to expect great books from me and I would disappoint them.  I adjusted that dream to a newspaper journalist.  It seemed like a logical transition.  I joined my high school newspaper and eventually set my eyes on writing editorials.

My first year and a half in college, I majored in Journalism and minored in Political Science, and when I transferred to East Carolina University, my adviser told me that print was a dying media and Broadcast Journalism was the future.  I flipped to political commentator… move over Rush Limbaugh.

I got my feet wet at a local news station.  It was hard work for little pay, crazy hours and big egos but I loved it.  Sadly, a scary health diagnosis and an abusive News Director spelled the end of my broadcast news career and my dream of becoming a political commentator.

I eventually settled into the mortgage industry.  I first started working in the foreclosure department trying to prevent cities from tearing down foreclosed properties.  It was challenging but not as exciting as tv news.  After a layoff, I managed to pick up mortgage processing.  I loved that job.  It was challenging, it was stressful, but it was fun.  I worked hard and I played hard.  I made good money and worked with a bunch of fun people.  Sadly the mortgage industry is collapsing and I became one of many thousands of loan processors finding themselves out of a job.

So, what now?  A good friend of mine suggested that I dream big.  This was a chance for me to do what I REALLY wanted to do.  My response?  Not possible.  I’m locked in a community where jobs for people with my skills are scarce.  I can’t do paid work on campaigns because those jobs are for recent graduates.  I would never get hired because I would ask for too much.  Being a banking lobbyist was also something I once considered but how effective can I be this far from Des Moines?  And I don’t dare open my own bookstore… I do not have a head for business.  I can’t become an author because how are we going to eat or keep a roof over our heads while I write the next great American novel? 

These aren’t just concerns… these are fears.  At what point did we adults become so jaded about our dreams.  Yes, there are those people who managed to reach their dreams… they work hard and make things happen… they don’t give up.  But a lot of people like me find ourselves battered and bruised by life’s harsh realities.  Abusive news directors (or bosses), large egos, health scares and layoffs throw us off kilter and we just give up.  We stop dreaming.  We are just… surviving. 

At what point in our lives did we stop looking at the world with child-like eyes, believing we can be anything we wanted to be to adults just trying to get by?  At the end of the movie “Pretty Woman”, you hear a street peddler ask “What’s your dream?”  No, I’m not suggesting you become a prostitute but have you ever asked yourself “What’s my dream?”  Set aside your adult inhibitions and look at the world with child-like eyes.  You may need to tweak your dream a little to fit with your reality.  Yes, I’m locked into a community with little opportunity for people like me but with work from home options growing in popularity, I can write for online news outlets.  I can become a political blogger.  It will take time, yes.  But as the saying goes “Don’t quit your day job.”  You will have to work a job you’re not exited about and spend a lot of your free time trying to realize that dream.  But do not give up.  We all have God given gifts so we can bless the world with these gifts.  I know I don’t want to have to explain to God that I didn’t use those gifts because I was scared of failing and only wanted to “survive”. 

Find your dream… write it down… hang it on a wall… look at it every day… take tiny steps but don’t give up.

On election night 2016, I was on my way to the Republican victory party and asking myself “If Donald Trump wins the Popular Vote and loses the Electoral College, would I still defend the Electoral College?”  My answer was a resounding YES!  That is how much I believe in and respect the Electoral College.

I live in a small, less populated state, without the Electoral College, voters in my state would never have a voice in the Presidential election.  Larger, more populated states like New York and California would determine who would be the President.  The Electoral College simply protects states like mine from being silenced by larger state in Presidential elections.

Our Founding Fathers were brilliant in that they believe that pure democracies could allow mob rule, so they created constitutional devices to protect minority interests and smaller states.  The Electoral College is one of those devices. 

The Electoral College requires Presidential Candidates to focus their campaign efforts in all states rather than just the more populated states.  That means the candidates must appeal to a wide group of voters and build coalitions in multiple states.  They must appeal to the banker in New York and the farmer in Nebraska in order to win the Presidency. 

Additionally, the Electoral College prevents the need for a nationwide recount when elections are extremely close.  Could you imagine having to do a country wide recount in 2000 when it was Bush vs. Gore?  A nationwide recount would complicate our elections and reduce the credibility of our president, neither of which we need in 2022.  The Electoral College brings simplicity and certainty in our elections.

According to Rachael Revesz’s article in The Independent “Five Presidential Nominees Who Won the Popular Vote but Lost the Election”, the winner of the popular vote has lost the Electoral College only six times in 227 years.  That’s enough to convince me that our Electoral College works.

It was to be a family vacation of all family vacations.  My parents were celebrating their 50^th wedding anniversary and they wanted to spend it in Hawaii with my sister, my husband and myself.  We were able to arrive in Honolulu as scheduled.  But my parents, the ones that should have had a dream vacation, had problem after problem… all compliments of American Airlines.  They lost more than a day after their flight from Fayetteville to Charlotte was canceled not once but twice before they cut their losses and flew out of Raleigh.  I would like to say that things got better on their return flights.  But it only got worse.  Much worse.  They boarded their plane for Raleigh and proceeded to wait 90 minutes on a hot, stuffy plane waiting for a pilot that NEVER SHOWED UP.  They were deplaned and another group was put on a flight where their pilot did show up and they flew out.  Meanwhile, 200 people (including my parents) were made to stand there waiting for some sort of instruction on what they should do.  In the end, my parents had to stay the night in Dallas and try to catch another flight home the next day.

I could argue that this is just an isolated incident.  But I would be lying.  One year, not long after I moved to Iowa, I went home to visit my parents because I was a little homesick.  After my visit, I flew back home.  I was flying from Fayetteville to Charlotte enroute to the dreaded Chicago O’Hare.  I bet you already know where this is going.  When I arrived at my gate, I saw that my flight was delayed.  Curious as to why, I asked the agent behind the counter.  She told me it was “Windy in Chicago”.  I smiled and said “Welllll, Chicago is the Windy City” she was not amused.  I told her I needed to make a connection in Chicago and asked if maybe I should just rent a car to avoid missing my connection and being stranded in Chicago.  She assured me that if I was delayed coming into Chicago, I would likely be delayed leaving Chicago.  I should have listened to my gut.  As we were touching down in Chicago the flight attendant cheerily informed passengers that if we were connecting to a flight to Cedar Rapids, we just missed our flight.  What I knew but could not prove was that I was not delayed due to “wind”, I was delayed due to too many planes in the air over Chicago.  It wasn’t so much the dishonesty that made me mad, it was that while standing in a long line of passengers needing to be rebooked because of a missed connection due to “wind”, some four foot nothing guy sauntered out at 9:45 pm to inform us that they were closing down customer service for the night at 10 pm whether everyone got through the line for rebooking or not.  That made me mad.

I think we all have a story about airlines that have treated us poorly.  Lost baggage, delayed or canceled flights without explanation (or a lame act of God explanation – airlines like to blame God for every delay), dragging people from flights they overbooks and now more recently overzealous flight attendants that want to punish parents of fussy 2 year olds that keep removing their masks. 

I did a Google search on parents being treated poorly by airlines because their children are having problems keeping their masks on and I was bombarded with story upon story of parents being treating like criminals because their children won’t cooperate with their masking game.  Probably the most recent and arguably the most upsetting was the story of a mom flying alone with her two very young children.  One was an infant in a car seat and the other a fussy two-year-old who was at this point in the day very tired and very hungry.  As the mother got on the plane, a very stern flight attendant informed her that her 2-year-old required a mask.  As the mother attempted to put the mask on her child, the attendant became impatient and demanded the mother get off the plane and get the mask on her daughter.  She complied but it was too late.  She had already gotten the ire of the flight attendant.  Once the child was masked and mom and kids were in their seats, the toddler began to fuss.  To stifle the crying as not to disturb the other passengers still boarding the plane, she gave her daughter a bottle.  After all, the rule was if you were eating or drinking, you could remove your mask.  But no.  The flight attendant was furious.  She made everyone deplane!  As people were deplaning, a woman by the name of Colleen Kavenaugh, said to the flight attendant “You should be ashamed of yourself.  A two-year-old?  Really?”  Good on that woman.  It’s time we all start speaking out when we see an injustice.  Sadly, Colleen also became the target of this overzealous flight attendant.  When she reboarded the plane, the flight attendant came over to her demanding to know if she had a problem and then accused Colleen of drinking and saying she could have the woman removed for being drunk.

This week I read an article about Pete Buttigieg creating a “No Fly” list of passengers that are unruly.  Now, I’m not here to defend people who can’t control their liquor and behave badly on flights.  I’m not defending anyone who tries to enter the cockpit or do anything that blatantly endangers the lives of passengers or crew members.  But it is concerning that the government is keeping a list of American citizens they deem unruly.  What constitutes as “unruly”?  Why must the punishment be so severe?  No flying for life?  That’s a little extreme.  What about due process?  I would think that if I found myself on a “No Fly” list, I would like to think I would be able to hire an attorney and defend myself.  Being on a “No Fly” list is serious.  It’s where you find the names of terrorists.  You know, those people who want to kill Americans.  It means you can NEVER fly again.  Yes, punish people who put people lives at risk on flights.  Make them pay a fine.  Make them serve jailtime (provided they get due process).   But don’t treat them like terrorists.

It would be easy to turn your back on airlines altogether like many of us do to places that treat us poorly.  Take away their income revenue by not buying their goods and services and they’ll go broke.  Sadly, airlines don’t operate the same way.  They can treat you poorly, lose money and then cry to the government for a bailout.  Or they will come up with schemes to make you pay more for services that were once free like food and checked bags.  It won’t be long before they charge you for the coat you’re wearing because it might spill over into the seat next to you… “I see you’ll be needing some extra room.  We are going to have to charge you for another seat.”