Chelleology

When I was a kid, I wanted to be something different about every other week.  I wanted to be a mom one week and a few weeks later I was going to be a nurse like my mom.  I wanted to be a teacher and after watching one too many courtroom shows, I was convinced I was going to be a lawyer.  I believe at one point I was going to be an astronaut until I discovered I was claustrophobic. 

In 6^th grade, I got my first typewriter.  It was a 1987 Brother AX-28 word processing electric typewriter.  You could type a couple of lines what would show up on a small screen so you could check your work before you hit print.  It was the state of the art in typewriters in the late 80s.  That year, I was bit by the writing bug.  One summer, I worked diligently on a short story, designed a cover and bound it like a book.  I was determined to become an author.

As I got older, I had the first, inkling of self-doubt.  What if I wrote a best seller?  But what if I failed to write another?  People would come to expect great books from me and I would disappoint them.  I adjusted that dream to a newspaper journalist.  It seemed like a logical transition.  I joined my high school newspaper and eventually set my eyes on writing editorials.

My first year and a half in college, I majored in Journalism and minored in Political Science, and when I transferred to East Carolina University, my adviser told me that print was a dying media and Broadcast Journalism was the future.  I flipped to political commentator… move over Rush Limbaugh.

I got my feet wet at a local news station.  It was hard work for little pay, crazy hours and big egos but I loved it.  Sadly, a scary health diagnosis and an abusive News Director spelled the end of my broadcast news career and my dream of becoming a political commentator.

I eventually settled into the mortgage industry.  I first started working in the foreclosure department trying to prevent cities from tearing down foreclosed properties.  It was challenging but not as exciting as tv news.  After a layoff, I managed to pick up mortgage processing.  I loved that job.  It was challenging, it was stressful, but it was fun.  I worked hard and I played hard.  I made good money and worked with a bunch of fun people.  Sadly the mortgage industry is collapsing and I became one of many thousands of loan processors finding themselves out of a job.

So, what now?  A good friend of mine suggested that I dream big.  This was a chance for me to do what I REALLY wanted to do.  My response?  Not possible.  I’m locked in a community where jobs for people with my skills are scarce.  I can’t do paid work on campaigns because those jobs are for recent graduates.  I would never get hired because I would ask for too much.  Being a banking lobbyist was also something I once considered but how effective can I be this far from Des Moines?  And I don’t dare open my own bookstore… I do not have a head for business.  I can’t become an author because how are we going to eat or keep a roof over our heads while I write the next great American novel? 

These aren’t just concerns… these are fears.  At what point did we adults become so jaded about our dreams.  Yes, there are those people who managed to reach their dreams… they work hard and make things happen… they don’t give up.  But a lot of people like me find ourselves battered and bruised by life’s harsh realities.  Abusive news directors (or bosses), large egos, health scares and layoffs throw us off kilter and we just give up.  We stop dreaming.  We are just… surviving. 

At what point in our lives did we stop looking at the world with child-like eyes, believing we can be anything we wanted to be to adults just trying to get by?  At the end of the movie “Pretty Woman”, you hear a street peddler ask “What’s your dream?”  No, I’m not suggesting you become a prostitute but have you ever asked yourself “What’s my dream?”  Set aside your adult inhibitions and look at the world with child-like eyes.  You may need to tweak your dream a little to fit with your reality.  Yes, I’m locked into a community with little opportunity for people like me but with work from home options growing in popularity, I can write for online news outlets.  I can become a political blogger.  It will take time, yes.  But as the saying goes “Don’t quit your day job.”  You will have to work a job you’re not exited about and spend a lot of your free time trying to realize that dream.  But do not give up.  We all have God given gifts so we can bless the world with these gifts.  I know I don’t want to have to explain to God that I didn’t use those gifts because I was scared of failing and only wanted to “survive”. 

Find your dream… write it down… hang it on a wall… look at it every day… take tiny steps but don’t give up.